They say that opposites attract – in the beginning when the love is new and fresh, it’s easy to stay crazy and in love, and we view all the differences between us as endearing.
But when reality kicks in, suddenly, the things that you once found endearing now start to drive you crazy. You’re faced with your loved one’s annoying quirks and habits. Everything they did just drive you up the wall. You can’t stand, their habits and it makes you want to scream. And you realize they are not who you thought they were.
When that happens, it is natural to look at our partner and wonder what had happened to him or her instead of us looking at the mirror and asking ourselves if our expectations of the relationship changed or if we are being realistic in the first place.
In the early courtship stage, we tend to have a very sunny picture of what our lives are going to be like. We see the lovely posting pictures of our friend and their partner on IG and FB sharing their sweet memories, traveling, and splurging gifts, and we dream of that domestic bliss of happiness in our relationship.
We build on this “false” idea of what a relationship should be. However, we forget that nobody will ever post pictures of themselves arguing over dinner or struggling to get their kids ready for school. We don’t have a realistic expectation of how hard a relationship could be on a day-to-day basis as all of these were built up and were reinforced in our belief in the first place.
When we fall in love with a man or woman, we learn about their different experiences and perspectives, and eventually, we build a relationship with the person. Over time, we expect those differences to lessen as we become one unit. We started to expect change instead of embracing the differences. Just because his or her ideas are different, it doesn’t make them wrong. Most of the time, it is us who are just adding things into a situation that creates all sorts of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Think about this situation: you and your partner are driving while you are busy chatting about your day, and he doesn’t seem to engage in the conversation. It might hurt your feelings because you think he is not interested in you. However, this could be just an assumption. He may be worried about missing a turn and is focused on the road. Or maybe he was having a hard day himself and was worrying over things in his mind. Or he may simply not be talkative, and you shouldn’t expect him to be. We simply assume the worst and do not find out what is really going on.
Or, in another scenario, let’s say you are having an issue with your kids at school and your partner can’t agree on how to handle it. This is important to you, and it’s natural for both of you to feel strongly that you are right and the others are wrong. We tend to forget that “different” is not the same as “wrong.”
If we want our partner to agree with us all the time, what do we really then need them for? Our relationship should be a strong partnership between two unique individuals.
So, how do you stay crazy in love when your love drives you crazy?
The key is to appreciate your partner’s differences and focus on the good that comes from them. After all, those differences are what initially drew you to them in the first place!
Here are a few tips to help you do just that:
1) Embrace your partner’s quirks: We all have quirks, and that’s what makes us unique. Embrace your partner’s quirks and love them for them. After all, those quirks are a big part of what makes them special to you. Remember the positive aspect of it and how that drew you to him or her. We need to accept that our partner is not perfect, and neither are we.
2) Talk about your differences in a positive light: We should communicate with our partners and try to resolve any conflicts that may arise.
– Focus on the good that comes from your partner’s differences. Talk about how those differences make your relationship exciting and keep things fresh. It helps to strengthen your bond.
– Be open and honest in expressing any frustrations or differences. Expressing your feelings is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and clear of any misunderstandings.
3) Never take each other for granted: Learn to appreciate and cherish each other strengths and weaknesses. It is that missing piece that helps to fill in the gap that will make you whole.
4) Don’t walk away when you are frustrated: Instead, seek to learn to forgive and forget. Relationships get stronger when both are willing to understand mistakes and forgive each other. If things are really getting to be too much, take a break. Go for a walk, watch a movie, or take some time for yourself. It’s okay to need some time away from your partner to recharge but never walk away.
5) Spend time together: It can be easy to get wrapped up in your own world when your partner is driving you crazy. However, it’s important to remember that you’re still in a relationship and need to spend time together. Schedule regular date nights, weekend getaways, and vacations to ensure you always have quality time together. This will help keep you both grounded and remind you why you’re still in love with each other.
Remember, the two of you together are stronger together than either of you individually. Conflict can be uncomfortable; differences can be hard, find common ground and learn to celebrate each other’s individuality. One of the best things about being in a relationship with someone who is different is that you get to experience new things.
Love is patient; learn to listen and try to understand where our partner is coming from. Conflict can be like sandpaper, filling down your rough edges and allowing the two of you to fit together comfortably.
A relationship takes work. But if you lose the negative attitude and make your differences work for you, not against you, you’ll have the foundation for a healthy relationship.
