Often enough, we hear how we must stay positive, be positive as the law of attractions equation is positivity attracts positivity.
It is natural to want happiness in life, to feel good. However, the pressure to be positive all the time is two different things.
The unconventional thinking of a positive mindset is just to think positive but avoid the emotional state of the attitude.
Having a positive outlook is great when things are not working, but having a positive mindset does not work magic, as we have to deal with the emotional pain that we go through.
The reality of the human condition is that we are not built to sustain a 100% level of positivity all time. The attempt to be happy or force ourselves to be happy constantly is to oppose our biological, and neurological constructions. This is a symptom known as “toxic positivity.”
Toxicity positivity is the belief that no matter how bad life has been, we need to maintain a positive mindset. It takes positive thinking to an overgeneralized extreme.
The common toxic positivity vs the emotional avoidance we hear is
- It’s okay, you will get over it ⓋⓈ It’s okay to feel not okay. It’s okay for you to feel negative and sad. Let’s think about what we can do?
- Never quit, never give up EVER ⓋⓈ Giving up is alright; sometimes, we need to focus on what is important to us now. What do you want to accomplish?
- Don’t talk about what is wrong, you will forget about it ⓋⓈ You can tell me what’s wrong. I am here to listen.
- Stop being sad, and be happy instead! ⓋⓈ It’s alright if you are not happy now; feel your emotions, and engage in them; it will pass by naturally. It will help you.
One of the myths about emotionally healthy people is that they don’t experience negative emotions. The key difference is that emotionally healthy people don’t dwell on negative emotions or allow them to take over. They use them to their advantage, to provide perspective and help them cope with a given situation in order to move forward.
An emotion study published in a scientific journal under the American Psychological Association revealed that overestimating a toxic positivity attitude doesn’t just stress the importance of optimism; it minimizes and denies any trace of human emotions.
By refusing to acknowledge our true emotions and holding on to fake or toxic positivity, we are ultimately driving ourselves to long-term unhappiness.
By refusing to acknowledge our true emotions and holding on to fake or toxic positivity, we are ultimately driving ourselves to long-term unhappiness. Everything happens for a reason; it is what it is.” The real truth is, that life can hurt sometimes.
When we go into hiding and suppress our emotions, it leads to more stress on the body and/or increased difficulty avoiding distressing thoughts and feelings. And that later manifests in anxiety, depression, or even physical illness.
It’s important to acknowledge the reality of our emotions by verbalizing them and moving them out of our bodies. This is what keeps us sane, and healthy and relieves us of the tension caused by suppressing the truth. Once we honor our feelings, we embrace ALL of ourselves, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And accepting ourselves just as we are on the path to a resilient emotional life.
So, next time you feel a twinge of sadness, stress, or insecurity, don’t buy yourself another “keep calm” journal and hope for the best. Instead,
- Welcome your emotions
- Listen and validate your emotions and how you feel.
- Be realistic and recognize the toxic positivity message (usually a vibe without emotion)
Remember, our negative emotions are here to serve a purpose and help us make important life changes, walk away from bad influences, and overall important for our survival.
Our Positive mindset has to be the equation of a Positive mental + Emotional attitude.
“When people place a great deal of pressure on themselves to feel happy or think that others around them do, they are more likely to see their negative emotions and experiences as signals of failure. This will only drive unhappiness” – Brock Bastian.
