How well we set our boundaries in life will determine our success. Establishing healthy boundaries gives us space and the ability to take control and focus to clarify our needs.
Boundaries are the “walls” we set up to preserve our energy to prioritize what matters to us for our success. Boundaries are the gateways through which we allow love, energy, and nourishment into our lives and have the space to recognize our feelings, be more aware of ourselves, and identify our limits to the situation.
But how many of us really set boundaries in life? Most of us viewed boundaries as an uncomfortable action. We acknowledge its importance, but we are afraid to establish it for fear of upsetting people or creating a conflict by setting it.
Thus, we tend to be submissive to interruptions and intrusions “for the good of others than ourselves.”
Building boundaries goes against our innate human desire to be seen as helpful, capable, and reliable. People who fail to set boundaries eventually risk “generosity burnout” as we allow others to take unfair advantage of us and leave us feeling exhausted and hurt in the process.
We all can agree that setting boundaries can be tough, but they are critical for our fulfillment and progress in our personal development journey. Setting healthy boundaries is understanding the importance of assertiveness of our own needs but not being aggressive toward our rights. Having the correct practice of saying “no” politely and firmly is the key to firmly and fairly setting our point across with empathy.
Boundaries are our values, expectations, principles, or limits that permit us to be us. It allows us to reduce our stress levels, recharge our brains, and improve our decision-making and relationships.
Everyone has a different set of boundaries that guide them to their comfort level. Not sure what boundaries you ought to set? Consider the following 4 categories of boundaries that we can set professionally or personally.
Protective boundaries – It is the boundaries we identify or allow to be in the area of our life, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. We set boundaries as a barrier to keep us out of our discomfort and prioritize self-care. Established these boundaries by communicating clearly what type of behaviours or treatment is acceptable.
Inclusive boundaries – The boundaries that we set that draw attention to respecting that everyone is different and is to be treated with equal consideration. The same consideration that we give to others is set for ourselves. Our values and belief are being seen individually and given respect.
Request & Invitation boundaries are boundaries that build us up, boundaries that are meaningful to you. These boundaries draw on resources, experiences, and relationships. Knowing when to invite others to share experiences and when to decline requests are equally important to building meaningful relationships
Balancing & Filtering boundaries are the boundaries that keep our relationships with others in harmony. By establishing safe limits, we maintain a balance that doesn’t require others or ourselves to feel discounted or baring.
It is vital to recognize the sign when our boundaries need to work as vital to set boundaries. Practicing listening to your body’s signal when boundaries need work, be self-aware about what, where, when, and how you feel.
You may want to ask yourself the following when it comes to setting boundaries:
- What told you that your boundaries might need attention?
- What is happening, and how are you feeling?
- What am I trying to protect?
- What do I need more or less of?
- What is the signal that tells me my boundaries are serving me now?
- How will I know when my boundaries are working?
Evaluate it and create a healthy boundary that serves you, one that leads you to a happier living, fulfilling life and helps to maintain your well-being.
